Taking the Date Offline - For Men
Congratulations! You've gone from profile to profile and found the best, brushed the rest and now its time to put your chemistry to the test. You and Miss "she could be the one" in your mind, have both agreed to take your dating offline and see if it's you're time to shine.
There are some simple things to remember that can really help to give your first date a greater chance of success.
Communicating well online is one thing and it sure helps break the ice and even form initial bonds. This can all make the transition to meeting in person for the first time easier, but don't assume that just because you have been cool on the keyboard that you'll perform in person. Stay on your game!
Meeting for the first time presents all sorts of new emotions, feelings and perhaps even doubts that you may have to deal with pre date or even worse, at the time.
Every great coach has a game plan for success and whilst I can't change the way you look I can give you guidelines for how you handle your self on the field so you don't drop the ball and lose valuable points.
Rule number one is keeping some fundamentals in your mental pocket. This means a few key mental points to help you stay on track during the date.
If you're feeling nervous or having mental doubts remember to use some positive mental self talk beforehand and make a few key distinctions to stop the stomach from churning and those palms from sweating.
Distinctions such as:
Chances are she is probably feeling nervous and having some self doubt as well. This small realisation reminds you that you're not the only one who may be feeling the way you are and you're not all alone in that department. It helps put things into perspective and that you are both on a level emotional playing field.
She already likes you and at some level is already attracted to you. How do you know? Well if you haven't already told each other that online (or at least indicated, which you may have missed) there is one way of knowing it's true for sure.
And what's that? The fact that she's there on a date with you is a big giveaway. (Unless of course she's one of those girls who loves nothing more than a free meal, but that's another topic)
It's important to make these distinctions because it helps you relax and release the pressure valve so you can focus on enjoying each other's company, showing her a good time and getting to know her better.
Which brings us to our main point - the art of communication
There's nothing worse after having put all the time and effort in to bring your relation - ship to this point only to watch it sink in the water because you bombed the conversation.
Tip number one in conversation is - ask her questions and plenty of them.
"The best way to create rapport and get people having a good time is to get them talking about themselves"
Tip number two is - don't just ask questions ask great questions.
Great questions are open ended questions on subjects that she loves to talk about.
Always remember these basic prompts - How, When, Why, Where, Have, What and Would?
This enables what I call bridging and if you combine these you will never have to experience " T.D.M.U.S. - The dreaded moment uncomfortable silence"
If for some reason you do find yourself in one of those uncomfortable silence moments the best thing to do is "own the moment" and make it light and humorous with what I call the 'Seinfeld technique'.
Say something like "Did we just have an uncomfortable silence? I think we did, what do you think? Your asking another question here which gets her back involved and she will appreciate the light hearted shift. You can always lead into "That reminds me of a Seinfeld episode...By the way do like Seinfeld?" That's another conversation piece and off you go again...
Back to the Prompts - How, When, Why, Where, Have, What and Would
If you get stuck use any of these to get the conversation flowing again. Keep applying one of these to her answers and you'll find you can talk for hours.
How did you do that? Why do you think that happened? Have you ever seen anything like that before? Where did it happen? Would you ever?... These are a few examples so you get the idea...
Your next tip is - be a good listener.
It's fine to share things about yourself that relate and she will no doubt enjoy hearing them as part of getting to know you better. But don't do all the talking and when you are listening show her that you are interested in what she is saying. Pay attention, give her the eye contact she deserves and respond to her answers.
Here are some conversation topics to keep in mind
Travel, Siblings, Food, Friends, Hobbies and interests, Activities you could do together, Work, Career Plans, Adventures, the list is endless...
Chemistry - if you both have amazing chemistry going on at his point chances are you will be doing some of these things naturally but it's always a good idea to be aware of them as well.
If things are going okay in that department but your not setting off the fireworks or popping corks just yet, good conversation will keep you in the fun park and at least give you both an enjoyable night out. It will certainly give you a much better chance of a second date if that's on the cards.
Have fun.